Professor Butter Beard and “The Ghost Piper of Duntrune Castle”
“The tune was wailing and mournful, almost flagrantly so, and the total effect was of a heartbroken piccolo being parted forever from its bagpipe lover.” – Peter S. Beagle
Currently, my life is inhabited with ghosts. I could blame it on the season. We did just celebrate the Autumn Equinox, ushering in the delicious season of witches, wizards, spirits and mischief. But my ghosts seem pleasant enough. So far. The dueling ghosts of my grandmothers whisper their opinions in each ear as I measure sugar, butter, salt and buttermilk. Bruno and Seamus tease Nellie by hiding her toys and nipping at her tail. My mother kicks me when I forget to wear socks and my father, well, he hasn’t yet appeared, but I can feel him tentatively knocking in my dreams. The spirit of my long-gone ginger ponytail flirtatiously teased me yesterday in the barber chair as the clippers buzzed my dome bald. And I know it is my great-great grandparents dancing in my soul when I am suddenly overcome with the desire to be back “home” in Scotland.
Ah, the spirits of Scotland. They are like mythological sirens summoning us with the hint of bagpipes and heather in their whispers. Ever since my days spent at Duntrune Castle, one ghost in particular haunts me, beckoning my immediate and permanent return.
Duntrune Castle is located on the north side of Loch Crinan and across from the village of Crinan in Argyll and Bute, west of Scotland. It is currently thought to be the oldest continuously occupied castle on mainland Scotland. The stronghold was originally built by the MacDougall clan in the 13th century, along with several other castles in the area, including the MacDougall castle of Dunollie near Oban. Duntrune Castle was eventually taken by the Clan Campbell, becoming the seat of the Campbells of Duntrune. In the 17th century the castle was besieged by the rival MacDonalds, under Sir Alistar MacDonald, also known as the dreaded “Colkitto.” The Campbells triumphally returned to ownership, but then sold Duntrune in 1792, to the Malcolms of Poltalloch. The castle is now owned by Robin Neill Malcolm, current Clan Chief of the Clan Malcolm. Whew, that was a mouthful!
But let’s return to the armed conflict in the Highlands between the MacDonalds and the Clan Campbell. As a reward for this previous military assistance, Sir Alistar MacDonald (Colkitto) was rewarded with an extremely talented and prized clan bagpiper to accompany him on his battle campaign and to musically inspire the men towards victory. Colkitto continued his march through Argyll eventually arriving at Duntrune Castle. In a daring night raid, his men surprised and defeated the Campbell defenders. The piper and a small band of Colkitto’s men were left to garrison the castle while he boarded his galley and sailed away to meet with other Royalists.
Before Colkitto could return, the Campbell's mounted a counterattack on Duntrune, and in an act of vengeance the Campbells killed all of Colkitto’s men except the prized piper, who was ordered to play for the amusement of his captors. The Campbells impatiently waited for Colkitto to return to Duntrune so they could act on their powerful thoughts of revenge. Finally, one day his galley came into view in the Sound of Jura, and the clever piper asked permission to play a tune on the pipes that he had created for the occasion.. The piper took his place high on the castle ramparts and began playing “Piobaireachd-dhum Naomhaid,” or as it is now known, “The Piper's Warning to His Master.” Colkitto listened closely and noticed mistakenly missed phrases that were unusual for such an accomplished piper. Waving a grateful salute to the brave piper, he ordered the helm hard about and escaped to the open sea.
The piper was taken before the commander of the castle, Lady Dunstaffnage, known as “the black bitch,” and confronted with the treachery. She gave orders that the piper's hands be cut off so that “he will never again give a similar warning.” The exhausted piper extended his hands, and the Campbell’s watched as the talented hands that played so well were severed from his arms with a single blow from a chopping axe. Unable to stop the flow of blood, the piper soon died, and his music was forever silenced – or was it?
Over the years many inhabitants of, and visitors to, the castle have claimed to witness a ghostly kilted apparition within the mist overlooking the sea. Some have even heard the whispers of a lonely bagpipe floating in the daybreak sea breeze. Then, in 1888, while making repairs to the foundations of Duntrune Castle, workers unearthed a skull beneath the first-floor dressing room. When they dug further, they found the skeletal remains of a man buried in a shallow grave. They carefully removed the skull, torso, legs, feet, arms, and made a remarkable discovery - there were no hands. The master of the castle at the time, Dean Mapleton an Episcopal Bishop, ordered the body buried outside the castle walls and arranged for a Christian burial. A standing stone now overlooks the sea, forever memorializing the piper’s bravery and talent.
I most certainly felt his misty musical presence this morning as I turned on the oven and poured my first mug a’joe. Nellie acknowledged the piper ghost with a couple chirps and giggles as he flirted with her by providing imaginary belly rubs. He then inspired my baker’s soul to create these Scottish Cheese and Caraway Shortbreads to bring to tonight’s celebration of “Twelfth Night.” Perhaps, when tonight’s guests take their first nibble, and if they listen carefully, they may hear the haunting sounds of “Piobaireachd-dhun-Naomhaig” echoing across the still waters of the Sound of Jura. I sure do hope so!
Cheese and Caraway Shortbreads
Makes about 60 shortbreads
2 Tbsp caraway seeds, toasted and coarsely ground
400 grams all-purpose flour
2-3 Tbsp granulated sugar (depending on your sweet tooth)
400 grams parmesan cheese, finely grated
400 grams unsalted butter, chilled
4 Tbsp ice water
Coarse sea salt to finish
1) Toast the caraway seeds in a cast iron pan, cool and coarsely grind in a mortar and pestle.
2) Whisk together the flour, sugar, parmesan (be sure to grate your own – it is worth it), and the cooled caraway seeds.
3) Using a box grater, grate the cold butter over the flour mix. Then toss with your hands until the mixture resembles coarse sand (like making biscuits). Sprinkle the ice water over the mixture and gather into a dough by squeezing the mixture together. Divide the dough into four portions. Roll each into a 1 ½” thick log, wrap in parchment and chill at least one hour.
4) Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line three baking sheets with parchment paper. Slice each log into 16 discs. Place about 20 on each pan and sprinkle the shortbreads with coarse sea salt.
5) Bake one tray at a time on the middle rack. Bake for nine minutes, rotate the pan, and bake for 8 minutes more until the edges are just beginning to brown. Let cool on the pan for 5 minutes then remove the shortbreads to a wire rack to cool completely.
